Dinner Party Guest Etiquette

Dinner Party Guest Etiquette. Certified Corporate Etiquette Consultant, Rachel Wagner, will share 5 ways you can put your best foot forward when you attend a holiday dinner party.



1. Q: When should I plan to arrive? A few minutes early? Or is it better to get there a few minutes late?
A: Arrive at the time stated on the invitation, or within 10 minutes of it. If the invitation is casual, and says arrive between 6:30 – 7, then split the difference and ring the bell at 6:45. If the invitation says cocktails 7:00- 8:00, dinner at 8:00, then arrive anytime during the cocktail hour, but at least 15 minutes before dinner.

2. Q: Should I take a hostess gift? If so, what are some examples?
A: A hostess gift is a nice gesture for a small party, especially when you know the host well. It’s a way to show appreciation for the dinner invitation. But this ritual varies in different parts of the country and in various circles of friends. So, learn what’s appropriate where you live. You don’t want to be the only one not taking a gift, and you don’t want to be the only one who does.

Appropriate hostess gifts include flowers, food, or wine. While flowers are lovely, they do obligate an already busy hostess to find a vase and arrange them—so take them already arranged in a vase.

Take a bottle of wine only if you know the host and hostess’s personal wine preferences. The host and hostess are not expected to serve the wine at the dinner, as they will have already planned wines for the meal.

Better yet, if you do take something, make it more personal, for example monogrammed paper beverage napkins, with a jar of hummus and a spreader, or homemade jam with some bagels for your host’s breakfast the next morning.

Another thoughtful gesture is to send a thank-you gift after the party – flowers to enjoy, wine, or chocolates.

If it’s a large formal party—and especially if you don’t know the host well, do not take a hostess gift.

3. Q: When dinner is announced, how do I know where to sit?
A: If there are several tables set up with place cards, find your spot and stand behind your chair until the hostess sits down. If there are no place cards, the host will indicate where you should sit. Men should help seat the woman to their right.

4. Q: How do you know when to leave? What indicates the end of the party?
A: Generally you’ll want to stay an hour after dinner, as it’s hardly complimentary to the host if you “eat and run.” When the hostess rises from the table at the end of the meal, do not prolong your conversations, but rise and go wherever she indicates. She may ask everyone to join her in the living room for coffee or an after-dinner drink. A good indication that the evening has come to an end is when the host is no longer refilling coffee cups and after-dinner drinks. Years ago at a dinner, my husband and I were the last ones in the living room talking with the host and hostess. All of a sudden, the lights in the room went out. They were on an automatic timer. We took the hint! After getting your coat on, thank your host and hostess and leave (Don’t be one of those guests who take 20 minutes to leave after getting your coat on!)

5. Q: Is it necessary to send a thank-you note to the host and hostess?
A: It’s optional if you expressed your appreciation verbally, but it’s a nice gesture and makes you stand out as a thoughtful guest. Or instead of a note, you can phone the hostess the next day and mention again the enjoyable time you had.

 

Rachel Wagner Etiquette and Protocol
www.EtiquetteTrainer.com
918.970.4400


Gift certificates are available for one-on-one etiquette coaching with Rachel. Contact Rachel for details at 918.970.4400 or email her at Rachel@EtiquetteTrainer.com.

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